You know you've been in Denmark too long if...

You think there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.

You think its normal to pick up a girl in a pub, walk her to her bike and ride with her back home.

You think its impolite to sit next to someone in a bus if there is a bench where you can sit on your own.

You go to the supermarket and buy three good beers and 10 not too good ones.

You can open a beer bottle with almost anything.

You honestly believe that the distance between Copenhagen and Aalborg is long.

You can tell the difference between a Grøn Tuborg and a Carlsberg beer.

The first thing you do on entering a bank/post office/pharmacy etc. is to look for the queue number machine.

You accept that you will have to queue to take a queue number.

Silence is fun.

It no longer seems excessive to spend 800 kr. on alcohol in a single night.

You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed".

You use "Mmmm" as conversation filler.

The word "yes" is an intake of breath.

You have only two facial expressions, smiling or blank

Traditional dinners may not necessarily mean a cooked meal.

You frown at "guest workers" who use "please" and "excuse me" for not integrating!

You will leave a pub if you can't find a seat.

Your wardrobe no longer has suits but blue shirts and mustard colored sports jackets and lots of denim.

You don't mind paying the same for a 200-metre bus ride as you do for going 10 kms.

You don't look twice at businessmen in dark suits wearing white sport socks.

You start to believe that if it weren't for Denmark's efforts, the world would probably collapse pretty soon.

You find yourself more interested in the alcohol content than the name of the wine.

It feels natural to wear sport clothes and a backpack everywhere.

You know the meaning of life has something to do with the word "hyggelig".

You are very surprised when you receive compliments about ANYTHING - including your appearance/clothing! In fact when you do, you find it suspicious and start thinking they might have ulterior motives.

You no longer offer to get the cheque on a date - for fear of physical attack from your female companion.

You find yourself lighting candles when you have guests - even if it is brightly sunny outside and 20 degrees.

You find the idea walking across the street when the light is red unforgivable, even though there are no cars in sight and it's 3am in the morning!

You consider a 6 month InterRail or Backpacking trip sufficient to "know" the world and thus proclaim Denmark to be the pinnacle of civilization. For thereafter to settle back into mediocracy, smug in the knowledge that you "braved those wild frontiers" :P

You understand that Danes aren't rude and abrupt like they may appear, just a little more reserved than most but once you gain their trust they will be your friend for life.

You accept the stereotype that Swedes are always drunk, Germans are always nude when they have sand under their feet and English speaking people tend to smile to hide confusion.

The highlight of your evening is the hotdog with remoulade or the calzone from 7/11 at the end of the night-end of the night being the arrival of the first bus in the morning!

You consider standing in the Airport Arrivals hall waving a danish flag normal and "hyggeligt"

You've become the master guru of bicycle repair

You find normal spending the whole week-end with your mates rather than with your partner

You think anyone who is not convinced any single thing in Denmark is great (but maybe the weather, ok), and the Danes the most civilized people on earth should just go home

You are sincerely unable to understand someone asking for the Strøget if the ø is hesitant, the stød isn't pronounced enough, the g not smelted into an l or if the t is heard

You know anything else than a Danish diploma cannot have any value

You say Skål at every sip because you can't find anything else to say

You don't check for other pedestrians behind you before you stop in a crowded street.

You don't really want things to go TOO well for anyone, unless they make you proud of being from Denmark.

You can say rød grød med fløde, Blåbærsyltetøj, and Angstskrig.

You are not surprised to have the closing door slam you in the face if following too closely behind somebody. Why should you hold the door for someone else?!?

You know the rules of handball!

You think its okay to walk away from a conversation without excusing yourself

You, every time you're in an awkward silence, have the urge to say "jo-jooooo..."

You consider spending more than 30 minutes on a bike and/or bus/train to get to school totally normal

You can't remember what a party without alcohol is like

You no longer have the urge to stand up and dance at a club or a party until you have consumed large amounts of alcohol

You have given up all hope of finding any logic in the pronunciation of the Danish language

You feel comfortable laughing at jokes about Swedes

You find the idea that somewhere in the world there are "no-smoking" signs in restaurants, train stations, etc, foreign

You think it is interesting to discuss the pronunciation of the words håndklæde (towel), hindbær (raspberries), sort (black) and hjort (deer)

You think it's perfectly fine too steal a bike if you're drunk enough

You think it is normal being paid 90 kr. a hour for working at a supermarket

You only refer football clubs by their initials

You hate everyone from the other side of Bæltet

You can bakke snagvendt (altså snakke bagvendt)

You have completely forgotten the concept of twist-off bottle caps

Tipping waiters/barstaff/taxi drivers seems overly gratuitous

You have forgotten the meaning of the word "gratuitous"

You complain about only having 5 weeks of vacation a year

You no longer notice the noxious gasses given off by the cheese in your fridge

You no longer notice all the windmills

You think it normal for there to be over 10 political parties to choose from

You for that matter, think it normal for 'Venstre' ("left") to be a right-wing party

You know your teacher, doctor and/or in-laws by their first names

You like to think the fact that the Queen is a chain-smoker makes her 'down-to-earth'

When making a right-hand turn while driving, you habitually check over your shoulder for bicyclists

You find yourself reading the subtitles even when watching something in English

You no longer consider joining Scouts to be completely geeky

You have given up trying to find a radio station with good music

You buy a hot dog with a credit card

You find it normal that shops close earlier on weekends

You have an insurance on your bike

You trash any leftovers

You answer calls by saying your name (which confuses people abroad)

You start to MISS an openly corrupt government

You take your wallet to a private party

You pack your own groceries

You consider it a BAD idea unless it was agreed upon by the "group"

You never say "Thank You" to the bus driver for driving you all around the city

You no longer find this list funny - just painfully true!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=4489235300
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Home, Sweet Home

Mitte, et Taanis ennast koduselt ei tundnuks. Otse vastupidi. Kopenhaagenis on midagi, mis teeb selle väga koduseks. Kuid olen nüüd tagasi Eestis ja siinsed lõhnad, sõbrad ja lumi on teistsugused kui seal. Võib siis öelda, et mul on kaks kodu, nüüd olen jõudnud oma esialgsesse kodusse ja esimene kodu tekitab rohkem äratundmisrõõmu kui teine.
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Julefrokost - of the Table, the Mood and the Afro

Reedel Kopenhaagenis oli meil kursuse jõulupidu, mida sealmaal tuntakse kui "Julefrokost" ("jõululõuna"). Toimus see hästipeidetud kohas CPH äärelinnas. Pool tundi metrooga ja teine pool tundi otsimist. Isegi kui aadressi kätte leidsime, siis ei olnud seal ühtegi maja, mis baari meenutaks. Lõpuks nägin mina, meie vapper kaaslane Teravsilm, Heinekeni silti, mis reetis õige koha kätte.

Edasi läks nagu ette võiks kujutada: südikad vestlused, hullud peomängud, õlu, akvavit, jõululaud. Jõulupuhvetis püüti olla eht-taanilikud. Taani jõululaud koosneb siis järgnevaist. Esimene ring oli lihtsalt sai, leib (Taanis on samuti musta täisetera rukkileiba), lõhe ja marineeritud kala. Taanipärane tundus sealt vaid remoulade, mille üle oldi (arvestan tooni järgi, kuidas nad "remulaad" ütlevad) millegipärast väga uhked. Minu arvates põhjuseta. Aga ega neile ka kama ei meeldiks. Veidi teemalt kõrvale minnes, andsin ühele itaallannale, ühele sakslannale ja ühele rootslannale kama proovida. Segasin selle keefiri ja veidi suhkruga. Sakslannale meeldis isegi väga, itaallanna kiitis ka või oli lihtsalt väga viisakas ja rootslanna kortsutas kulmu ja vintsutas nina, öeldes, et struktuur on vale. Küll aga läks Vana Tallinn kõigile peale. Pole väga midagi imestada, sest kuigi ta on magus, siis on ta väikeseks napsiks väga mõnus võtta. Negatiivsemat tagasisidet sain ma inimestelt, kes on harjunud napsijooke pudeliga jooma. Kalja ma ei julge pakkuda.

Teiseks käiguks pakuti seapraadi, frikadelle, kartulisalatit (mitte meile omane, vaid kartuliviilud kastmes), ciabattat (taanipärast???). Aga selline peakski siis üks Taani jõululaud olema. Magustoiduks oli mingi vahukoorekreem. Seal pidi sees olema terve mandel, mille leidja saab auhinna. Vaatasin seda kreemi ja see oli mandlitega ääristatud. Küll aga poolikud mandlid. See on siis pool auhinda? Kreem ei läinud selleks ajaks enam väga sisse, isegi mitte kirsikastmega.

Õhtu jooksul sain lisaks Taani jõulumenüüle teada teiste inimeste kogemustest, et nätsu on väga raske püksimööda ja särgi alt üles viia, veelgi raskem on kaks tampooni suus pudel õlut juua ja et Gloria Gaynor on ikka veel IN. Kuigi viimane on üks viiest põhjusest, miks minu meeskond laulutundmisvõistluse kinni pani.

Jõululõuna-õhtut jäi tähistama veel üks lõbus seik. Sain teada, kus on Kopenhaagenis "hästi päevitunud inimeste" klubi. See on koht nimega Afrodisiac. Üritasin sinna sisse saada ja see oleks ka õnnestunud, kui mul sellest kohast ennem villand poleks hakanud, kui pileti ostsin. Rahvast oli vähevõitu ja olemasolev kontingent oli noor ja must. Sellest poleks midagi, mina armastan kõiki inimesi, aga mul oli tunne, et ma ei kuulu sinna. Olin kõige valgem kutt terves klubis, poolpikkade juuste ja ülikonnaga. Tunnet süvendas veel see, kui kaks tursket musta turvameest mind läbi otsisid ja üks küsis: "Y'know this ain't a techno party, right?" Sest valge mees käib ju ainult tehnopidudel, eks ole! Mul ei jäänud muud üle, kui ainult naerda.

Lõpetuseks pean mainima, et saalihokitrenni ajad on väga osavalt pandud laupäeval kella kümneks hommikul...
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